Confusion

So many different denominations and sects of the christain faith say so many different things. For one belief system, missing church will send you to hell. For another, the only thing that will send you to hell is not accepting Christ and hundreds of differences in between. Who can know? I will not pretend to have all the answers and dogmatically tell others I have the whole truth. I think I am arriving back to a point where I think I am reconnecting with what I believe. I still have much doubt in some areas.

I find it hard to talk to people who are set in their belief and zealously defend their views. I am not ready to put God away, but I am not ready to say I know all there is to know to defend one stance over another.

I had a unusually hard night the other night. I dreamed terrible, demonic dreams. I woke up exhausted from running, hiding , and defending myself in my dreams. I prayed, "Why are you so aloof God, and the things that terrorize me are so attentive?" When my son has a bad dream and cries out I am right by his side comforting him. Why does God not do this. I would comfort my son no matter if hated me or not. A good father can't help it. He must be there for his kids.

I don't know the answers. "God works in mysterious ways" seems an inadequate. I will keep on searching clinging to my faith how ever small it may be.